Puff Puff with Daddy

Soooo...in efforts to save money...I've decided that I'm going to take up sewing : ) I'm really really excited about this. I love making Mckenna hair bows, and I absolutely love the cute custom clothes at all the little botiques in southlake, but I do not love the price tag! I've been wanting to learn to sew for a long time now, but just haven't pushed myself to do it, but I am determined! My first project is to become an expert at t-shirt dresses and pillow case dresses. First stop was Mema's house, because I knew she could help. We went to Hobby Lobby and I met the sweetest old lady that invited me to join their sewing group. In her words "Young people need to get back to the basics of life and learn how to sew their own clothes! My group would be tickled to death to teach you to sew". What better way to learn then from a bunch of ladies that have been doing it for the past 70 years! I can't wait!

Today Ross got off school early and he took Mckenna on a "puff puff" date. Putt-putt, but Mckenna calls it puff puff and I think it's so cute. She enjoyed spending time with Daddy and getting to see him. I love how her face lights up and she yells DADDY when he comes home from school. She was so funny. Her way of playing puff puff, she would walk all the way up to the hole, put her ball right next to the hole and then knock it in...she cheated quite a bit, but we let her "win". She's been going through a little definant stage and I just think it's because she tries to act out to get attention. I know that medical school is an adjustment for us all. While Ross and I are able to discuss how we feel, sometimes I think for the kids, it's harder for them to relay exactly what it is they want to say. I know that this is especially true for her. She went from spending so much time with him, to maybe seeing him for an hour a day. These are the sacrifices that medical students and their families make when they decide to become doctors. Just from starting in August, I've seen so many many sacrifices made by other medical students...from learning to take out the trash (lol...hey this is a sacrifice!), to someone missing their friend's funeral b/c of a test, to a wife having to wait almost 24 to tell her husband of a family members passing because he had a huge exam. Everyone says that you can't understand it until you are there, and I can't say how true this statement is...it isn't something you can compare to a 9-5 job, or to nursing school, or to having to work/go to school at the same time...not that these things aren't hard, or are less important, they are just different than what we are experiencing....it's a different world. It truely takes the most understanding, caring, compassionate people in the world to understand what we go through as med students/families...and the lack of free time we have. I'm thankful for my best friend JJ! She always always understands....even on the days she calls and I'm just in a crap mood, she just knows that we probably need to get off the phone fast and then she'll txt me a bible verse of something. I'm also so lucky to have a business partner that is so understanding as well. She has been through it all with me...and has witnessed quite a few freak outs over business, but she always seems to remain calm and tell me that God will provide. My dad and Tracey and Ross's parents have been awesome too- I'm so appreciative of the support they give. And most of all the amazing woman I've met- the other spouses that know my struggles and what I'm feeling like no other. Sometimes I can just look at one of them and know exactly what they are feeling. All around, I'm just thankful for the people that God has placed in my life to keep me strong. Sometimes it's those quite mornings when I'm driving to work that I can hear God so clearly. Wednesday morning I had to dry my face off before I went in the hospital because I cried so hard (in a good way) on the way to work. I was listening to my worship cd and a song that I've heard a thousand times came on and the words just really meant so much to me and hit me like a ton of bricks...

I'm sure all of heaven's heard me cry
when I tell you all the reasons why
This life is just too hard

But day by day without fail
I'm finding everything I need
And everything that you are
to me

Everytime I breathe you seem a little bit closer
I never want to leave I want to stay in your warm embrace
oh basking in the glory shining from your face
and everytime i get another glimpse of your heart
i realize that it's true
you are marvelous God
and I am so in love with you

Now how could I
After knowing one oh so great
respond to you in anyway
that's less than all i have to give
but by your grace i want to love you
not in what i say but everyday
in a way that my life is lived.....
wrapped in your mercy i want to live and never leave
i am held by how humble
yet overwhelmed by your majesty
captured by grace i am finding I AM FREE

I love that...I am free. And this life isn't too hard...this life is a wonderful blessing!! And I'm just really thankful. Sometimes (too often) I forget to be....but not today. I'm thanking God for today and the things he's done and continues to do.

The Awakening

It has been a whole year since I've been on here. So much can happen in a year...and so much has. I really have to be better about keeping this updated. It's awesome to go back and look at how far we have come and to be able to share sweet moments and memories with family and friends. Tonight I saw in my prayer journal where I had written "Even when we are faithless, God remains faithful". WOW! Really...that has to be theme of our lives over the past 5 years. So many times I have doubted what God had in store for me, I've doubted where we would end up, I doubted the dreams we would start to fulfill, I doubted the place I was in my life and I questioned God...but when I was faithless...God remained faithful to me and my family. It's easy to fall away when the pain or struggle out weighs the blessing...but I am so so so eternally grateful for everything he has done in my life over the past 5 years. I honestly feel like our life as a family is just beginning...I feel like I can honestly appreciate EVERYTHING...not just parts, but everything. To be honest, I had some sort of "Awakening" type moment in June of this year. It was 3 weeks before medical school started...I felt like God was telling me that I needed to give this family everything I've got. That I had to strengthen myself as a person, as a wife, as a mom, as a whole. I knew that life as we knew it was no longer...that this next stage in our lives, this journey we were about to embark on together as a family was going to be a hard one....rewarding, but a struggle.

I get chills just writing all of this, because somedays I honestly wake up and I can't believe that this is our lives now...that we made it! That we are in medical school! I'm just astonished at everything that God has allowed us to have. I'm so thankful that he chose me to be Mckenna's mom, that he chose me to help Ross along in this journey...I'm just so proud to even be apart of what Ross has worked his whole life to accomplish. I know now that I need to be the strongest I've ever been. And God has consistently been giving me the strength I need. He's sent people to be apart of my life to help me grow and to help strengthen me and when I'm feeling a little low he sends some sort of sign (letter in the mail, phone call, email) to let me know that LIFE IS GOOD. I'm so grateful for the new way of thinking that God blessed me with. While everyday is a struggle, I can finally see that their is a bigger picture. So often I was waiting on the next phase in our lives "oh I can't wait till Ross is in medical school"...well we are here now!!! YAY!!!!!!! And if I'm not careful I'll catch myself thinking "oh I can't wait till Ross is in residency and starts making money"...but why?!?!? Yeah, money is nice, but it doesn't buy happiness...it doesn't buy back the time wasted on wishing for another stage in life....Gosh, when Mckenna was a baby I was always saying "I can't wait till Mckenna is old enough to tell me what she wants"....and now that time is here and what I would give to be able to hold her as a tiny baby again. I'm living in the here and now....and as a family we are going to enjoy our medical school journey! Every moment of it (Well almost every moment...lol)!

And I'm going to be better about recording all those special moments : ) Mckenna and Ross both have had a rough weekend- Ross has been sick with a cold/flu all weekend and Mckenna had to say goodbye to her first pet that died (and she understood). Her fish "Bluia Nicholous Flounder" died Wednesday. She did not want me to take him out of his tank. She begged for me to leave him in there, but I explained that we had to get a new fish and that if we left him in there he would rot. So we got a new fish (2 new fish and a crab to be exact). So when I finally got around to cleaning out the tank on Friday, she wanted to put him in a cup and be the one who flushed him down the toilet. I really thought she was going to be ok, because she had already cried earlier that week and had a couple days to deal with him being gone...but bless her heart she cried so hard after she flushed him down...I hugged her and told her it would be okay and she said "But he was my favorite fish in the whole world" She cheered up 5 minutes later though and she loves "Ursela", "Little Fishy Baby", and "Ariel Flounder Cupcake"....our new friends : )

Off to bed now! Ross is finally done studying for his OMM test tomorrow. I just heard him say "What the heck??!?" And he came out with a baby doll and a teddy bear (that Mckenna has conviently named Ross) and said "These were in my bed"...LOL. Mckenna is the greatest joy. I love finding "surprises" of hers all over...like her dress up rings in my briefcase or a random sock in my purse : )